Happy New Years: Here's an Angie Rant.

About 30 minutes ago, I posted a super friendly generic version of my new year's eve post. But since this is the last post I will have in 2012, and I have been fairly nice in all of the rest of them, let me get real in this one.

My one huge wish for 2013 is to become a mom. I want the whole shebang. I want to be pregnant, I want to decorate a nursery and bicker lightly with Ian over the final details of baby names. I want to bawl my eyes out when I hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time, when I see the first ultrasound, when I find out the gender. I even want the hours of grueling labor because that will mean that I HAVE DONE IT. I am a mom, I have done what millions of women before me have done.

I was going through old schoolwork of mine that my mum kept for me and I found my kindergarten stats sheet. Listed under "what I want to be when I grow up?" A mom. (Actually mine says "my mum" but you get the point). So for at least 19 years of my life, this is what I have wanted. That's 19 years of solid dedication to this wish.

What I don't want is useless advice or "funny" anecdotes. What is useless advice you ask? Well let me enlighten you. I don't want to be told that it would take me a while (trust me, no one realizes this more than me), or that I will get pregnant when I stop trying to get pregnant. I don't want to continuously hear about how easy it was for you to get pregnant or how it was a total oops moment, hahahaha! I am happy for those who get pregnant quickly, I really am! There are just a few people on my social media who like to throw it in my face all the time. I hate that. And don't get me wrong. I love people's updates about their pregnancies and their babies. I really do. It's a super exciting time in your life, you're growing a baby! It's when it's multiple times (read 5 or more) a day that it starts to grate on my nerves. Or when they say "If you're not a parent, you don't know what true love is." I hate that saying, I really do. I truly love my husband. Unconditionally. For better or worse.

But the biggest thing I do NOT want to hear from anyone EVER again? "In my personal opinion, because I have been there, I would wait. You never regret waiting." I am sure I don't, but I will never regret having my child either. And I haven't had anyone who is actually in my situation say that to me. My situation is as follows: I am in my mid twenties, I have been married to my high school sweetheart for four years, and we dated for three years before that. That is seven years with the same man. I have a great job that I love doing, and my husband has an awesome job that could support both of us should I decide to be a stay at home mom (which is what both Ian and I want). We both have running vehicles, even if they aren't brand new or gorgeous. Neither of us owes any debt on either of our cars. We own our home, which is not a dump, and we live in a safe and quiet neighborhood that would be great to raise kids in. We are both in stellar health, and the most addictive substance that has me in its vices is Wild Cherry Pepsi. I know, I know, I should attend a Sodaholics Anonymous meeting or something, right?

I don't mean to offend the kind and supportive people in my life at all. And if you're reading this and thinking "I have never-!" Then you probably haven't and this isn't for you. This is for the people who have ever made me feel like I am not a real woman because I am not a mom yet, or that I am doing something wrong if I am not pregnant yet. This is for anyone who has ever uttered the words "Even if you're never a mom..." to me. Don't even go there. Don't put that negativity on me. I don't need it.

And for those of you who read this whole thing and don't think I am the scum of the earth, thank you. Thank you for understanding that sometimes I need to be able to rant about things that upset me.

Now after I get off of work, I am going to go home, get into pjs and park my butt on my couch with a book and season five of Bones. I am not a party girl or even a regular drinker. It's a big deal that I am even contemplating staying up until midnight, and I will do that on my terms. My terms include captain america sleep pants, a doctor who nightshirt, fuzzy socks, and my TARDIS blanket.

Happy New Years my lovely readers!!