So this morning, it was a whopping 18 degrees out when I went to warm up my car. In my opinion, there is no reason Missouri needs to be this cold. We don't have snow ergo there is no need for the ridiculously cold weather. This put me in a grouchy mood the entire 30 minute drive to work and once I parked in my parking spot, I realized that the ice guy hadn't gotten to my area of the parking lot yet, so I had to be super careful not to slip and crack my head on the ice, which surely would have resulted in death with how my luck was going that morning.
Once I got inside I realized I had failed to bring any oatmeal or fruit for breakfast, so I made an emergency breakfast run to good ol Mickey D's, thus resulting in another trip out of doors into the freezing wasteland that Missouri has become recently. This spurned my idea of gaining enough political power to enact a law in which you are not required to leave your house if it is below 30 degrees outside unless you absolutely have to or if you're the snow and ice guys. One of my coworkers pointed out that by being president (which was my first idea) that my "law" would mostly likely be vetoed. This brought me great despair until I remembered that hey! We used to have all powerful monarchies before, why not again? Thus the idea of Queen Angie of the United States of America came about.
Some of my better ideas:
*Siesta from noon to four. That way you don't miss the best parts of the afternoon.
*No requirement to leave your house for work when it is under 30 degrees outside.
*Taco Tuesday! (That one speaks for itself, don't you think?)
*Pet a baby animal Thursday. I hate Thursdays and the only thing that seems to make it better is snuggling with my kittens, and I am sure I am not the only one who thinks this way.
*Automatic four weeks paid vacation with every job, as long as you have worked there for one year or longer. Anything less than a year, no vacation. Maybe (but maybe not) that will help the high turnover of a lot of jobs.
* Birthday weeks for all! If it's the week of your birthday, you get honored with balloons and singing and the dessert of your choice. Also, costume parties.
*Drama queen island. We send all the drama queens and self absorbed no good rotten people to an island to bicker amongst themselves and fight to the death. Last one standing can have the island to herself/himself until the next round of Drama queen island. I can think of a certain "i'm so crafty my life is so perfect oh em gee!" queen that would be on my short list for that island.
*Intelligence test for baby making. You have to be of a certain intelligence level and succefulness to procreate. If you don't meet these standards, you're not allowed to procreate and are forced to be chemically "barren" for lack of a better word.
*Funding for personal libraries. You want a personal library but don't have the means to build one? No problem! We will get someone to do it for you. Of course, you would have to fill it yourself though...
Those are just a few. I know that some of you won't agree with a couple of them, but that's why this is a monarchy and not a democracy. Also, this is my fake queendom. Get your own.
It should be noted that when I ran this idea by my coworkers they were vehemently against the idea of me (or anyone) being Queen or King. So no worries of me taking over, guys....
...this time. Muhahahahahahahaa!
Showing posts with label cold weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cold weather. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, November 12, 2012
Fears: Irrational or Not, I have 'em.
I would not classify myself as an easily scared person. Easily startled, yes, especially when I am concentrating, but not easily scared. That said, I do have fears. And some of them are fairly irrational, but I still have them.
Dancing murderous clothes in my closet: Okay, just so you know, this was also the very first fear I can ever remember having and I was a very, very young child when it developed. I remember looking at my closet, which was open (what kind of mother allows her young impressionable child to leave her closet open at night?!) and thinking, My clothes look like they're dancing. Why are they dancing? They are probably dancing in celebration. People dance when they're happy and they wear clothes so that's probably where the clothes learn it from. But why would the clothes be happy? And why in the middle of the night? (which was probably only 10, but that was certainly the middle of the night for me) Then it struck me. Only bad things come out at night. Clothes moving in celebration in the middle of the night was because they were bad. They were probably murderous. They were going to murder me unless I hid in a very tight ball underneath my covers so they couldn't see me. Which is what I did every night for as long as I remembered my murderous, dancing closet clothes, which wasn't very long. To be fair, I don't still think my clothes can murder me, and the dancing clothes thing was probably either my imagination or a poorly placed vent. Still. I wasn't taking any chances. However, the residual fear remained and to this day I still absolutely cannot sleep with my closet door open.
Spiders: Does this one really need explained? They be nasty.
Being stuck in a basement during very cold weather: This one comes from Beauty and the Beast, and also a small bout of claustophobia I have thanks to a brief moment of being stuck in a dryer when I was 4. Don't worry, the dryer was off, and I am still alive. I hate the cold anyway, but being cold and stuck somewhere I can't get out of will make me completely lose my cool. I can not do it. This fear has stretched to anything that it can be small and dark and possible to get trapped in, so this one has also stuck with me.
The gambling boogeyman from Nightmare Before Christmas: I really don't see any need to justify this one, because Tim Burton does a really good job at being creepy. Though it is probably irrational that I refuse to gamble because casinos freak me out. Thanks Tim Burton, now I can't fulfill my dream of being drunk and broke at a casino. You just ruin everything.
The weird kid eating creature from animal planet: I don't know if they still have this show, but when I was a kid in the late nineties and early 2000s, there was a show on the animal planet called something like "Real or Fake" or something else along those lines. I loved that show, and the public library had it on VHS (oh yes, VHS guys, I was a cool kid) and I would rent them and watch it. Until the day I rented one about the infant eating black night creature from Africa. I don't remember what its real name was, but supposedly it was this four foot creature that could walk either on two legs or fours, had beady red eyes, sharp dagger teeth and stole babies and kids out of their homes and ate them. To my mid-twenties mind, I now realize this was a big fat "FAKE!" but to my seven year old mind, it was NOT. I hated being out after dark, and if mum wanted me to take the trash out and it was dark out, I ran all the way to our detached garage and ran all the way back, because when you're a kid, you know that bad things obviously can't get you if you run super fast. Now I don't still have this particular fear, but I am still weird about the dark. If you can't tell from my first fear, the dark hasn't treated me well.
Drowning: No fun story, I just got caugh underneath a floating pool thing when I was little, and felt like I wasn't ever getting out and was going to die.
Having my feet exposed while I am covered in a blanket, especially while I am sleeping: When I was eleven or twelve, I read a book about the missionary David Livingstone, and when he went to some crazy third world country, there was a night when he didn't completely cover his feet and rats bit the crap out of the bottom of them. Also, in scary movies, people can totally be pulled out of bed by exposed feet. Nope. Not doing it. Yes this fear still remains today. Laugh at me all you want, but when your feet get eaten by feet eating rats, see who is laughing then. Yeah.
Centipedes: I refuse to believe that these things are more scared of me than I am of them, because this is my number one biggest fear. When I was in sixth grade, I went to a baptist bible church camp and when I was taking a shower, a centipede dropped from the ceiling and that kind of freaked me out, but I am not a "eww bugs! so scared!" type of person, so I kicked it with my flip flop really hard. Then I looked up. The ceiling of my shower was CRAWLING WITH THEM. They had a serious infestation. I got out, got dressed super fast, and went screaming to my cabin leader, who went and confirmed the nastiness and they got a bug person out there the same day. But I still walked all the way across campus to use the other ladie's restroom after that.
There you go. Have a laugh on me. I realize I am ridiculous.
**UPDATE**
My dear friend Seth reminded me of a super irrational fear I had when I was a child that he remembered and I didn't until he mentioned it. So without further ado...
Feet falling off if I wore socks to bed: This fear is largely do to my grandpa who, in an attempt to get me to take my socks off for bed and throw them in the dirty clothes hamper, would tell me that if I wore socks to bed, my feet couldn't breath and would suffocate and fall off. This is was a very short lived fear because once I started having science class, I realized that your feet don't "breathe" separately from the rest of your body.
Dancing murderous clothes in my closet: Okay, just so you know, this was also the very first fear I can ever remember having and I was a very, very young child when it developed. I remember looking at my closet, which was open (what kind of mother allows her young impressionable child to leave her closet open at night?!) and thinking, My clothes look like they're dancing. Why are they dancing? They are probably dancing in celebration. People dance when they're happy and they wear clothes so that's probably where the clothes learn it from. But why would the clothes be happy? And why in the middle of the night? (which was probably only 10, but that was certainly the middle of the night for me) Then it struck me. Only bad things come out at night. Clothes moving in celebration in the middle of the night was because they were bad. They were probably murderous. They were going to murder me unless I hid in a very tight ball underneath my covers so they couldn't see me. Which is what I did every night for as long as I remembered my murderous, dancing closet clothes, which wasn't very long. To be fair, I don't still think my clothes can murder me, and the dancing clothes thing was probably either my imagination or a poorly placed vent. Still. I wasn't taking any chances. However, the residual fear remained and to this day I still absolutely cannot sleep with my closet door open.
Spiders: Does this one really need explained? They be nasty.
Being stuck in a basement during very cold weather: This one comes from Beauty and the Beast, and also a small bout of claustophobia I have thanks to a brief moment of being stuck in a dryer when I was 4. Don't worry, the dryer was off, and I am still alive. I hate the cold anyway, but being cold and stuck somewhere I can't get out of will make me completely lose my cool. I can not do it. This fear has stretched to anything that it can be small and dark and possible to get trapped in, so this one has also stuck with me.
The gambling boogeyman from Nightmare Before Christmas: I really don't see any need to justify this one, because Tim Burton does a really good job at being creepy. Though it is probably irrational that I refuse to gamble because casinos freak me out. Thanks Tim Burton, now I can't fulfill my dream of being drunk and broke at a casino. You just ruin everything.
The weird kid eating creature from animal planet: I don't know if they still have this show, but when I was a kid in the late nineties and early 2000s, there was a show on the animal planet called something like "Real or Fake" or something else along those lines. I loved that show, and the public library had it on VHS (oh yes, VHS guys, I was a cool kid) and I would rent them and watch it. Until the day I rented one about the infant eating black night creature from Africa. I don't remember what its real name was, but supposedly it was this four foot creature that could walk either on two legs or fours, had beady red eyes, sharp dagger teeth and stole babies and kids out of their homes and ate them. To my mid-twenties mind, I now realize this was a big fat "FAKE!" but to my seven year old mind, it was NOT. I hated being out after dark, and if mum wanted me to take the trash out and it was dark out, I ran all the way to our detached garage and ran all the way back, because when you're a kid, you know that bad things obviously can't get you if you run super fast. Now I don't still have this particular fear, but I am still weird about the dark. If you can't tell from my first fear, the dark hasn't treated me well.
Drowning: No fun story, I just got caugh underneath a floating pool thing when I was little, and felt like I wasn't ever getting out and was going to die.
Having my feet exposed while I am covered in a blanket, especially while I am sleeping: When I was eleven or twelve, I read a book about the missionary David Livingstone, and when he went to some crazy third world country, there was a night when he didn't completely cover his feet and rats bit the crap out of the bottom of them. Also, in scary movies, people can totally be pulled out of bed by exposed feet. Nope. Not doing it. Yes this fear still remains today. Laugh at me all you want, but when your feet get eaten by feet eating rats, see who is laughing then. Yeah.
Centipedes: I refuse to believe that these things are more scared of me than I am of them, because this is my number one biggest fear. When I was in sixth grade, I went to a baptist bible church camp and when I was taking a shower, a centipede dropped from the ceiling and that kind of freaked me out, but I am not a "eww bugs! so scared!" type of person, so I kicked it with my flip flop really hard. Then I looked up. The ceiling of my shower was CRAWLING WITH THEM. They had a serious infestation. I got out, got dressed super fast, and went screaming to my cabin leader, who went and confirmed the nastiness and they got a bug person out there the same day. But I still walked all the way across campus to use the other ladie's restroom after that.
There you go. Have a laugh on me. I realize I am ridiculous.
**UPDATE**
My dear friend Seth reminded me of a super irrational fear I had when I was a child that he remembered and I didn't until he mentioned it. So without further ado...
Feet falling off if I wore socks to bed: This fear is largely do to my grandpa who, in an attempt to get me to take my socks off for bed and throw them in the dirty clothes hamper, would tell me that if I wore socks to bed, my feet couldn't breath and would suffocate and fall off. This is was a very short lived fear because once I started having science class, I realized that your feet don't "breathe" separately from the rest of your body.
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